i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
