it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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