Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
