the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
