My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
