Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
