Please, let me fuck your mom
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize