don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
