were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Be still, my beating vagina.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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