Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
