So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
