he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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