Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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