this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
