i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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