My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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