So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
