My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
