the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
