Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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