Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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