Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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