Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
