Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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