My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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