The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
