her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
