Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
