i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize