Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I need a beard to bite.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
