She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
