Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
