We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
