the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
