I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
