So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
