This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
