Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
