So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
