forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
