People in love make me want to vomit
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
