Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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