Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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