OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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