And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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