What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
