Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize