I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
