I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
