Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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