Cold hands, warm shart.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
