i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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