apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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