I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize