you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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