Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
