Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize