Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
