i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I would ride that face into the sunset
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
