the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
