Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
