wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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