He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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