Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think i have two assholes
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
