There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
