Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
