From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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