I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
