I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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