Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
