Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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