How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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