I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
