Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Did I show you my penis last night?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
