I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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