On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Are my feet made of real feet?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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