I wannas sexs uuuuu
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
