he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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