i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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