can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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