How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
