If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
