i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
