Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
